Woohoo! My exciting life!

10:22pm: Did it!
Despite my super advanced procratinating skills, I did get stuff taken care of and the cleaning people came and my house looks great! Yay! I feel a huge sense of relief. This weekend my dad and step-mom come and Kelly has a swim meet and cub scout crossover and then it's (hopefully) smooth sailing right into summer. I have 7 days of work left and tonight was officially our last cub scout meeting...talk about bittersweet, then my bday and right into summer break. I'm sooooooooooooooooooo giddy about it all. Yay!

12:03am: Why am I such a lazy bum/
Tomorrow I have a maid service coming to clean before my Dad and Step-mom get her on Friday. Sadly, I need to do some decluttering before they can clean and yet here I sit on my couch procrastinating. It's 2 past midnight and I work tomorrow...why am I such a fool. I have the strongest urge to put on my headphones and start up Supernatural on netflix. If I do that it's all over...ugh, why can't I just do what I need to do?????

12:04am: It's Christmas time in the city...
My mood keeps flucuating between in the holiday spirit and miles away from it. I suspect part of it is because I won't be seeing my family this year as Brad and his brother decide to do Disney World for Christmas and just, the holidays are so stressful. Every year I say I'm going to be more prepared and better about getting it all done ahead of time, talk about a pipe dream, haha. Oh well, for the sake of my son, I will pull myself together and get with the jolly holidaying. ;)

I was going to post an updated pic of my puppy dog, who is now 7 months old, but blah...maybe tomorrow. I'm am the definition of lazy tonight.

Hope everyone out there is enjoying the season.

<3

10:06pm: My poor baby. :(
Hearing that Kelly has spent the last 3 days at school out of sorts with red-rimmed and teary eyes multiple times during the day and isolating himself from his friends breaks my heart. Whywhywhy does he have to deal with this crap. I realize there are WAAAAAAAY worse things than having to takes meds that can stop working and cause depression, but in my little piece of the world, at this moment in time, there is nothing worse than a sad sad 10 yr old. I just want to wrap him up in a blankie and snuggle him back to happiness.

3:10pm: Today....
Well today ended up being much much better than I expected. The morning was hard because my co-teacher called in (she'd been in an auto accident and was still feeling pretty sore.) so some of our kids who normally do great were thrown off by having a sub, so there was more crying than usual in the morning. The new little girl showed up with her Daddy and she was ticked of at being left with us and as her Dad said she would do, she threw up on me. I knew it was coming so I luckily only got it on my forearm. She only did it the one time and she quieted down after a bit. When we went outside to play she was hesitant at first but was doing well by the end of play time and went inside to eat lunch with no problem and ate a ton! I was super worried about nap as her dad proclaimed she never sleeps, but sleep she did. I took a pic of her on my phone and texted it to her dad...he was amazed. So, all in all it was a good day. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY better than I thought it'd be.

4:51pm: Miracles
Unbelievably...the two little girls were quiet during naptime. Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooohooo!!!! We separated them, which we've done in the past only to be met with wild wailing, but today they were quiet. They didn't sleep, but they stayed quietly on their nap mats, hooray!!!!

Let's hope they do it again tomorrow as we have a new little girl coming in. Her dad says she makes herself vomit when she gets upset and doesn't nap unless he puts her in the car and drives her around. HOORAY!!! I met her the other day and she is super cute, but I'm sure, as is normal, her first day will be pretty upsetting for all of us, haha.


Happy update...whew!

3:29pm: The problem with crawling into your own hole when all is coming down around you is that often when you get brave and poke your head up to see what's what...you find everyone else ran for the fallout shelter.

4:34pm: What in the HELL was I thinking??!?!?!
So, I, in a moment of great wisdom...aka pure insanity, said yes when my work called at the end of summer and asked me to work both MWF and TTH classes this year. I thought, what the heck it's only two more days and it's only hard in the beginning. Boy, what a flipping understatement! These two classes have been the most difficult of all the classes I've had in the past 5 yrs! BLAH!!! In one class we have a wailer, who wails all day and two middle eastern kids who understand English, but don't speak it and have a transporter who picks them up instead of mom or dad. This whole situation is insane. They don't sleep and any attempt to help them sleep or remind them to be quiet during nap is met with either extremely loud wailing or complete ignoring. My boss , in an attempt to make things easier supposedly set up a schedule with the transporter where she would pick the two girls up early so they would only disrupt naptime for about a half hour...she's been late by a half hour at least all but one day. Of course these girls are 5 dayers. In my T/Th class I have those two same girls plus a little girl who comes in wailing everyday and immediately barfs in an attempt to make to make her Dad feel bad enough for her that he'll take her home. Today I was informed we'd be getting a new little girl on Thursday, she makes herself vomit when she gets upset. Hoooooo-effing-ray! I can tell you one thing, there is no way in HELL i'm doing 5 days next year, shoot they'll be lucky if I even still work there after all this.

There....vented!

5:49am: Dreams and up before 5 on a weekend, what the heck?!
So this was my second night in a row with a dream featuring my mom. Last night it had to do with her living in a very nice apartment and at some point she's in an ambulance because she's had a heart attack???? That's just the gist, there are all sorts of other weird things going on.

Tonight, my older brother was involved and at one point in trying to get to see my mom, Mike and I and some other people, who may or may not have been related, were on a boat that flipped over the edge (of what, I don't know) into a rocky body of water below us. I remember yelling, "I love you Mike!" as I fell but then once in the water we were all fine and quickly picked up. Then I found myself at the airport either finding my mom getting on a plane or helping her to board. My mom expressed wanting to see Mike and so I see him and tell him our Mom just boarded. The flight attendant won't let him go on to see her at first, but I tell her that our mom has been sick with the heart attack and she immediately lets him on. When I turn away from the gate my mom is sitting in waiting area by the gate and I see my brother come off the plane and walk back and forth while I try to get his attention, finally I call out, "Mike, she's right here." And that's the end..as far as I remember.

My mom has been gone for 25 yrs and I very rarely dream of her so two nights in a row is significant and the dreams aren't super emotionally upsetting which when I have dreamt of her in the past I always wake up crying. I have just felt unsettled after these last two...enough so that I got out of bed at 4:30am on a Sunday.

I love you Mom...always.

12:15pm: Are you a sinker or a saver?
So, do you help save your boat or help sink it? Sadly I have to say that I'm pretty much a sinker. I'm going to try really hard to turn into a saver.

6:24pm: Our new puppy!
Kelly has wanted a dog for a very long time and his friend's dog just had puppies, so we took the opportunity and took one. Her name is Diamond, she's is 6 weeks and 4 days old as of today. She's super sweet and hates bed time. We are trying to crate train her and she is not thrilled to be in there at night, so cries and cries. I'm pretty exhausted, but she's worth it and Kel loooooooooooooooooooooooves her. Oh yeah, her Momma is a Border Collie/Golden Retriever mix and they think her Dad is a Boxer. In the following pic, she was exactly 6 weeks old.
( Baby Diamond this way....> )

11:34pm: So...
I had the test and now I wait 2 days for the results.

8:37am: Testing, testing...

 

So,  today is the day I go find out what, if anything, the "protruding...mass" is that the Dr. came up against during my last test. I'm sure it will be nothing and then I'll feel super foolish for worrying as much as I have been. Drama Queen...that's me.

I finally confronted Brad with his blase behavior last night and he immediately went into the "Oooh it's not that I don't care..." routine. Yeah yeah, whatever. Then before he left this morning, he gave me a heart attack by plopping down on the bed and throwing his arm around me (keep in mind this is at 5am) and saying "everything will be ok." Sure it will, once I recover from the heart attack from being startled awake at 5am. I know I sound mean for not immediately being okay with everything, but I'm kinda calling bullshit here. Not that he doesn't care about me at all, but just that ...eh long long story. Boils down to him being petty and his uncaring behavior being his payback for a time, recently, where he thought I didn't care about something that happened to him. Ha...how ridiculous are we to behave this way at our ages?!

Oh well, I know I'll be absolutely fine because as the song says, "..only the good die young."  ;)

2:16pm: Lunch with Kelly
So when I said I was feeling lazy this  morning, I was not kidding. I haven't done much at all today, but sit here and play on my laptop, but I did take lunch to my son at school. I sometimes take him lunch simply because he doesn't like what they're serving on a particular day and sometimes because, frankly, I miss him and want to see his silly face. Today started with a want to see him and luckily also happened to be a day he didn't like the food. I love how happy he looks when he sees me waiting for his class to walk to the cafeteria and I know what it meant to me when I was in school anytime I even saw my mom there, so I go. Today I got the added bonus of overhearing a friend of his saying to him, "Man, you have a good mom, you're lucky."  That made my day, my friend, thank you so much. Thank you God that I was able to hear the soft spoken, meant for my son's ears comments of that little boy. I try and I know I fail a lot, but I do try.

8:51am:

Just dropped Kel off at school and now a return to my earlier scheduled laziness. Seriously, I am one lazy person,  which considering I have a 10 yr old son who's involved in baseball, swim team and cub scouts (which I co-lead with my husband) and I work part time, is quite the accomplishment. Finally! I'm successful at something....laziness! I know this is a proud moment for my parents, haha.

Tonight is the baseball team party at the local crappy, but cheap pizza joint. Kelly is super happy because we never go there anymore and he recalls loving it. It is pretty based on kids tastes so, I'm sure he will still love it. I need to consider getting the 3 coaches a gift as no one organized getting a joint gift from all the kids. What to get that won't cost an arm and a leg since playing little league costs an arm and leg to begin with and a girl only has so many appendages to give? Hmmm, free but awesome??? Not rolling in the ideas so far.

Tomorrow is my test and because it's on a Wednesday I had to take off work. This is going to be a weird week for me with 3 days off in the middle. I would  much rather be working tomorrow than going to have this stupid thing done. Speaking of health crap, I really need to do some research on what I can eat these days because if I don't I will continue to struggle all day being ,what I consider to be good, then break at night out of frustration. Blah! I'm officially declaring this decade of my life to be sucky.

I really hope the schools get their acts together and send out the TAKS (Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills) results soon. This is a state mandated test and some grades, if you don't pass, you don't move to the next grade. They generally give you a second chance by letting you study for it in summer school (wheee, fun times!) and then retake it, but there are only 2 weeks left of school, what do they expect people to do at the last minute if their child doesn't pass? I mean some people have vacations scheduled and have put money down and all. I'm sure Kelly passed, so I'm not so worried about any of that, but I feel for people who have kids who don't do well with testing. I'm really more interested in knowing how well he did. Last year in third grade, he took a Math and Reading TAKS and was commended on both. You're commended if you get less than 4 questions wrong, Kel missed none on Reading and one on Math. This year,  he had to take Math, Reading and Writing. I'm not so sure he'll be commended this time around. What matters is passing, I know, but I'd love if he could keep up the commended dealie. You know, living vicariously through your child who's much, much smarter than you? Hahaha!

I hope anyone who happens to read this has an awesome day and ya know, does something really ambitious so I can live vicariously through you.
;)
 

6:13pm: Why won't dinner just make its self!!! *pouts*
My subject line pretty much says it all. We have eaten out so much recently and I know I should cook, but what and with what food? I really need to go grocery shopping but haven't had the oomph to get it done. I'm such a lazy bum and I know it's probably bumming Brad out. Oh well. I know I need to research what all I can eat, but I'm still halfway in denial and I just want to eat what I want to eat, damnit! Blah...food hurry up and mix yourself together into something good ...I'm hungry!!!

7:59am: No cuddling no donuts...sad times. :( Hahaha :)

I was just about to say I'm up all by myself, but Kelly just stumbled out singing, "Good morning to youuuuu...". Haha. Oh man, he barely has his eyes open but he grabbed his new beyblade stadium and got right to playing. Who needs to be awake to play? Not Kel. :)

  Anyway, I've been up for over an hour, woke up to go to the bathroom and decided unless I wanted to be "cuddled" I should just get up. In no mood for what Brad calls "cuddling" these days, sorry but just not. I am, however, in the mood for a donut, I mean, I REALLLLLy want one, but I REALLLLY shouldn't have one. I have been struggling with accepting what my doctor said my blood work revealed and doing the smart thing about it or just saying "yeahyeahsure" and doing what I want. I know that's a very stupid way to be, but UGH! I haven't even told Brad that part of my dr. appt, he probably wouldn't even care based on how he reacted to my other health news. I'm feeling sorry for myself, obviously. haha. Who cares what he thinks, I should think of Kelly and do all the things I need to do to be here for as long as possible for him. So, I guess no donut. I love you Kelly!!! See how much I love you?!?!?! Hahaha.

10:17pm: Today

In the interest of keeping my mind occupied and not dwelling on other matters, I thought I'd talk about my day.

 

( long and rambling ahead )

Okay, I guess that's my day. It's been a good one.

 

11:03pm: A note to myself...
GOOGLE is not your friend right now! Do NOT google!!!

That is all.

10:31pm: Whee! biopsies and Ultrasounds ...oh my!!!

Yesterday, I had to go in to the dr. for an endometrial biopsy..whee, lucky me! It was so much fun, not!  At the beginning of the procedure the Dr. commented on how she was having trouble going as deep into my uterine cavity as she is normally able in most other cases. She said something is protruding and blocking her way,..some sort of mass. "Yikes!", I thought, "I don't like the sound of that." She had to take samples of the tissue twice in order to get enough to study and while it was not comfortable and it was definitely pinchy feeling, it was not as bad as I'd be told to expect. When I told her that, she said," Really? Well, you tolerated it much better than most seem to." What can I say, my uterus is not whimp!!! So anyway, when that's all done,she tells me she wants to change the US of my ovaries we had previously schedule to a histosonogram which is where they dilate your cervix and fill your uterus with water and then US it all. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, color me thrilled! Ugh, she said "it" could be a fibroid, a cyst, a septum(I know for sure I don't have one), just a small uterine cavity (pretty sure someone would have mentioned that at some point during either all my fertility testing and treatment or my pregnancy) or ya know...dun dun dun DUN...something else!!. Anywho, I'm trying really really hard not to be freaked out as my mother died from Ovarian cancer and while I know I don't have that, Uterine is close enough...hell any kind of cancer is enough to freak me out, if I'm honest. I know come Wednesday they'll do the test and all will be fine and I can laugh at myself for how unnecessary it was for me to freak out, but I can't help but think of "what if".

So I have some very wonderful friends and family who are worried for me and have called and asked how I am and commented about how they feel better knowing my husband will be with me on the day of the test. Oh yes, of course he will, I tell everyone. Hahaha, imagine my surprise when he looks at me like I'm crazy and says, "well, I don't know if I can." and seems not at all interested in going and as if the thought never even crossed his mind! I'm so hurt right now, when he had his elevated PSA results and had to have a biopsy, I took off and went with him for that!!! I'm really feeling the effin' love right now. I have one friend who said if your husband doesn't go, I'm going because I don't think you should go alone. She said she'd take the morning off, if need be. So tonight, I lied to my wonderful friend and said my husband was going so she wouldn't take off the morning because she is struggling financially due to her husband being out of work for the last two years, but I have NO doubt she'd do what she said and take the time off. *SIGH* I never thought my husband would be like this, I'm so disappointed. Oh well, I'm sure all will be fine and therefore me going alone will be no big deal.

Feeling so loved. :(

 

10:13pm: Weekend update
Just felt like posting, nothing particularly exciting happened. Saturday, Kelly had a baseball game and the other team really did a number on our guys. Our bats are usually pretty successful, but they weren't on Saturday. The boys had their 2nd loss of the season and they were bummed, but it's good to lose sometimes...important to learn how to be a good sport both in winning and losing. I actually missed the first 30 mins. or so of the game as I was signing Kelly up for our subdivision swim team. Man, I have mixed emotions about it. It's great in that it is a healthy activity for summer, keeps him active and such, but it sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot and they practice 5 days a week and the meets are a whole day activity and did I mention how hot it is???? It's HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! haha. Oh well, got to suck it up and do it for the kid. He was supposed to have a sleepover so after lunch we went home and waited to be contacted by his friend and the call never came. After a bit, Kelly called but the call went straight to voicemail both times. The saddest part is that it was this friends mom who said "Hey, come for a sleepover on Saturday." He was super bummed out, poor guy.

Today we went to see HOP about the Easter Bunny and it was visually cool, but I found the story to be ...well dorky, but Kelly liked it. We got home and my neighbor/friend was working in her yard and we got to talking and decided we'd help each other on our yard work this week, so we did some on my lawn. Boy, talk about exhausting and HOT work, bleh. We'll probably both be too sore to do it again on Tuesday as we'd planned. Oh well, at least something got done. After a shower, we were off to the batting cages as Kel really needs practice, He has a hard time with batting as we think he just kind of freezes up and overthinks the whole thing. So a guy there came over and offered Kel advice and it really seemed to help. I hope it sticks with him for tomorrows game, not that it matters to me but I think it would help his confidence soooooooooooooooo much if he got up to bat and actually hit it. He's a great fielder, just stuck on the batting. After the cages we headed to one of our favorite restaurants, Mongolian BBQ cafe and stuffed out faces. Ughhhhh, sooooooooooooooooo full.

Now, Kel's in bed, Brad's on the computer, I have a load of laundry in and i'm playing on the comp while Family Guy plays on the TV. It's been a pretty uneventful weekend, but good nonetheless. I'm not looking forward to work at all tomorrow and knowing that Brad is taking the work off doesn't help, that bum! Hahaha, oh well, I know I have it easy work wise, so I'll shut it and go. I do get paid this week and that's always nice.

Okay, enough of "my boring life".

:)

1:51pm: Meme
Okay so, because my good buddy megyal  tagged me, I am doing the meme, but I really don't have a bunch of peeps to tag, so it's not refusal, okay...it's being friendless, hahaha...Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah .. :p Okay...I'll hit up alexalgebra  and themegs .

People who have been tagged are strongly encouraged to write the answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new, original question.
Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

Okay, I think a lot of people have done this already? I'm not sure, if you've done it already, sorry!

( Meme answers this way... )

12:49am: Prayers needed for a friend
Just in case someone happens by and is moved  to pray ...Brad and I have a friend who was on a trip to visit family and caught the flu and is now in the ICU breathing with the help of a respirator. Please pray for her and for her family!

Thanks so much!

Her name is Marita, btw.

9:26am: 15 years!!!
On this day 15 years ago, Brad and I were married! I'll never forget the feeling of what a big deal it was to be saying in front of God and everyone, this is who I love, promise my heart to, stand by...till death do us part. It was surprising how BIG it felt because we'd been living together for almost 6 years at that point. We were definitely committed to each other before we exchanged our vows on that day, but I can say that I felt the weight of the words in the moments leading up to and when I said them. I know Brad felt the same, I've never seen him look so nervous and excited (well, the excitement I saw again when Brad got his first glimpse of Kelly during labor) and I remember him not only taking my hand from my dad, but needing to hold my hand. We've had good and bad and in between times, but I have to say that I chose well and cannot imagine my life without him. So, 15 years...time sure flies when you're having fun!

12:37am: EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT! IT WILL, YOU WILL MAKE IT SO!